Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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