We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
