lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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