So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
