Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
