she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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