I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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