im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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