dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
