i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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