***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
