I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
