laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i love accidental penises.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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