You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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