Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
