i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
