I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
