My Higher Power is John Stamos
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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