Moan for me like Helen Keller
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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