took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
