I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
