it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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