She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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