I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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