Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
that is very illegal...i love you.
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