He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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