New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
try to milk me bitch
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