you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
third nipple confirmed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
