I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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