Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
