Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
