Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
