I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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