it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
