Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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