I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
