We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just blew my weed a kiss
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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