i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
