Redeem this text for a blowjob
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
