I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
