She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
