I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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