I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
