Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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