Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
