you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
