i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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