The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
