went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there's paper in my vomit.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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