The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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