So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
